No, this isn’t about body image. This, is about what my body feels like to me. Literally.
Recently, I’ve realised that I need to compartmentalise my brain so that I wouldn’t go half-crazy all the time with my head in the clouds or answering some question about life and trying to function in the real world at the same time. So, I’ve written down a list of questions for me to answer and practise my writing on! It’s mostly to find out about myself. Soul-searching. And ensuring that I don’t ponder about random things in the middle of a job.
So to start off my list of questions, this is the first one. What does my body feel like to me? This question came on a whim because I was feeling very uncomfortable and a little upset that I feel so dead and heavy most of the time. Thinking about it, there are a few states that I can recognise my body in.
No.1: The Internet or book heavy body and brain (least favourite)
My body feels like a swirling mass of muscles, or a lump of dead meat especially when I’ve been on the internet or reading a book for too long and haven’t rested my eyes at all. It feels heavy and lost and my brain can’t seem to know that I am even physically present in reality anymore. I will be overcome by lassitude and feel the need to put down anything sensory or intellectually stimulating to rest my eyes. Yet, I can’t not do anything because my brain seems to have a voracious appetite for everything even after 5 hours of binge watching Youtube videos! This is when I’ll start to notice that hey, my shoulders are tensed up and hey, my eyes are tired and hey hey my heart seems to be a little jumpy but HEY, I still feel like watching more things.
Hence my body ends up squabbling with my brain.
No.2: The really tired yet restful body and brain (Eh pretty good!)
This is one of my preferred states because I actually don’t feel that my brain and body are disconnected from one another… if this makes sense. This state comes after a really good yoga session and I’ve stretched out all my muscles, like good dough being nicely rolled on. Ahhh…. On rarer occasions like being able to go to Japan and enter an Onsen (bathhouse), I will feel extremely relaxed. I can’t even describe this feeling of utter bliss. No more anxiety, no more worries, no more nothing. Just ahhh as smooth pure melted butter on your insides and outsides.
No.3: The clear energy mind with relaxed body (best)
I have no words for this. A super rare state but a super good state to be in, because my mind is not fuzzy with emotions and my body isn’t weighed down by lethargy. I can think clearly with wisdom and have energy to do things with mindfulness and incisiveness.
No.4: Pain. Nuff said.